Growing up I was never a big reader. Aside from what was necessary to get me through school, I had essentially no significant reading habit until the age of 22, when I discovered audiobooks. At the time of discovery, I was working a rather mindless entry-level mill job. Having just recently completed my university studies, where I majored in Geophysics, I was feeling like my time and brain were being wasted. In the critical eyes of society, I was a failure. After I was done brooding over my current situation I made a conscious decision to expand my knowledge through audiobooks. Little did I know just how radically this would change my life.

I have no affiliation with Audible, but will emphatically recommend their services. Audible had teamed with this amazing series called The Great Courses; which were essentially entire university level courses packed into lecture series of 30 to 40 hours. The value of these courses was astounding - they cost just 1 credit (approx $13 CAD), compared to the hundreds of dollars I was typically paying for a course. No assignments of course, but the presenting professors were so filled enthusiasm and brilliant in their delivery that I was absolutely captivated by them. Sometimes I would bore of lectures all day, so I began to mix in a little sci-fi. After that I found myself dabbling a little bit in self-help books. Before I knew it, I was hooked. My days at work began to fly by! I legitimately enjoyed my time there. 

This new hobby of mine started around January 2017, just over 5 years ago, and since then I have listened to about 140 audiobooks (and read a handful of physical books). I now also spend a significant amount of time listening to podcasts, so while my yearly audiobook rate has dropped, my passion for audio education and entertainment has not wavered one bit.

On this blog I plan to share some of my favourite books and podcasts over the years. I have discovered there is a bit of an art to planning ones audio content diet; books are truly a powerful life experience, and intelligently pairing these experiences with other life experiences, or consciously choosing the sequence of content can have profound effects on the experience of each text. My most transformative reading/listening experiences were the right book at the right time. Keep this in mind while assessing my recommendations and when deciding which rabbit hole of information you wish to explore next.

 The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

This book seems to have an almost magical ability to waking people up. Read by Eckhart Tolle himself the wisdom contained in this book spoke directly to my soul. In fact, this is the first spiritual text that I left behind my mind, following suggestions from Tolle, and I listened to it from my Heart. Early in the book, Tolle recommends this way of "reading", and I soon discovered the value of allowing such wisdom texts to be absorbed into your Being; as opposed to analyzed with the mind. Suffice to say it had a profound impact on my life - about half way through, I had a sudden awakening experience. The experience occurred while practicing nondual meditations, and on the backend of a number of other profound synchronisties and experiences, but there was an undeniable relationship between my awakening experience and this book. Eckhart has a beautiful way of pointing one back to the Source of Being.

The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski

OK, this book is frankly phenomenal, pun intended. It was easily one of my most enjoyable, enlightening reads ever! I have recommended this book countless times. Frank is everything you wish a spiritual teacher to be; compassionate, grounded, wise. He co-founded the Zen Hospice Project; where he accompanied more than 2000 people in their transition into death, while also teaching mindfulness practices to the staff and volunteers at the center. The man is oozing with compassion, which can be palpably felt simply through the tone of his voice. His line of work has placed him in some of the most vulnerable human interactions imaginable, and he courageously faced them with grace and love. And from those experiences, this inspiring man has brought back an immense amount of practical wisdom to help one make the most of their life. If thinking about death scares you, I recommend this book to you even more! I love love loved this listen.

After the Ecstacy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield

The experience of this book was very similar to that of The Power of Now. Very little mind needed, and immense wisdom transferred through every sentence. Jack Kornfield is a renowned mindfulness teacher; he is one of the key practitioners to bring eastern spiritual practices to the west. The title says it all; Jack brilliantly weaves the world of transcendental awakening experiences with practical advice on how to live a good life day to day. This is surely a book worth reading and rereading.

Waking Up by Sam Harris

This list would simply not be complete without this book. Sam Harris in many ways was my first guru, though he would never claim such a title. Sam released an app, called Waking Up, which I used in parallel to the book. I believe Sam's gift is 'Waking Up' cynics of the spiritual path to the spiritual path. He is a bridge between rational critical thinking, and the mysterious spiritual world. He focuses much of his current work on philosophical/political discourse to help make sense of humanity and steer us away from self destruction; he is a New York Times bestseller and is the host of a very successful podcast called Making Sense. Though spiritual discourse has been seldom part of the work which brought him his fame and success, Sam has been putting more and more time into sharing meditation, which he professes is of utmost importance; Sam wants us to wake up to the nature of mind and freeing ones self from the illusions which are the source of our suffering. After spending nearly 3 years of his life in total silence over the course of decades, Sam happens to be an incredibly adept meditator and meditation teacher. His focus is particularly on sudden awakening experiences. The "Waking Up" meditations guide one to notice the inherent freedom of consciousness itself, free from self - free from suffering. My awakening experience happened during one of his guided meditations, after 4 months of diligently practicing and studying his work. This is as much a recommendation to his book as it is to the Waking Up app; which is an ever growing resource of profound meditations and discourse.

On Having No Head by Douglas Harding

Douglas Harding is a fascinating character with very creative poetic ways of describing the awakened state. This book was on my radar after extremely high praise from Sam Harris. I consider this one of the more advanced spiritual texts I have read. Direct experiences of nondual awareness I believe are important prerequisites to reading this text, though not necessary. It is a short read, so can be read easily before and after one has a deep direct experiential understanding of nondual awareness. Douglas was a true visionary when it comes to describing and mapping out these experiences. I believe his most significant contribution to nondual practices is 'nondual seeing' - open eyed meditation exercises which can have the profound effect of guiding one to see directly through the illusion of personal identity, and launch one into an experience of full awareness that has the power to change their life. Douglas is all about connecting us to who we really are.

 ​Awe. What is it we know about awe? Just for a moment, think about the last time you experienced awe…
 
Was it when you last saw a sunset or sunrise?
 
Maybe it was a story you recently read that captured your heart.
 
Or maybe it was a fascinating scientific fact you learned that blew your mind.
 
Perhaps it was a photo you saw online that was so beautiful you almost felt like you were there for a moment. Or maybe it was a stunning piece of art that took your breath away.
 
You may notice awe and beauty are very closely related. Beauty is the object that has left you awed. We often relate beauty to objects that seem to leave us speechless. Beauty abruptly, yet gently pulls you into the present moment; upon arrival in the present, you realize there is nothing to be done, said or even thought. In fact all you desire to do, or rather all you can do, is appreciate the moment. When you experience true beauty, you may notice your mind is still. You are not scrambling trying to make sense of everything, as your mind usually incessantly does. In this way, beauty is peaceful, but also mysterious. Beauty and awe are complete acceptance and appreciation of the present moment, without knowing anything about it.
 
Throughout history and across all cultures, awe is often described as the pinnacle of the human experience. Awe is the emotion behind spiritual or religious experiences; it is easy to see why, since awe entails a realization of something greater than you, such as a divine presence. Intense moments of awe are likely to shift your whole world view, as it has for many spiritual leaders throughout history. During awe, people experience a loss of sense of self. Your perception of time is altered - time feels more abundant. Sometimes awe can bring about intense feelings of “being at one with the universe” (In another post I will attempt to describe the allusive "one with the universe" experience).
 
Occasionally awe is associated with fear. Because of this some people describe awe as both a positive and a negative emotion, depending on context. I disagree with this point of view. While I agree it can be associated with fear, the moments actually experiencing awe are inherently positive. If you are awed by something life threatening, fear will simply fill the gaps in between awe. Fear originates from a desire of self preservation - how can one be fearful in a state of awe, when there is no sense of self present while experiencing awe? In addition to that, awe can be fleeting. Few things can capture your full and undivided attention for very long before distractions from your busy mind interfere.

The fleeting nature of awe, and its occasional relationship with fear, was highlighted for me in an experience I had while working in winter conditions on the tundra in Northwest Territories. It was an especially cold day; the ambient temperature hovered around -40 °C, wind chill brought that somewhere between -50 and -60 °C. That morning, myself and two others, were dropped off about 25 km from camp, via helicopter to a location we had been working at for a couple of days. The winds picked up throughout the day and began to cover us in a cloud of snow. Flying in such conditions is incredibly dangerous, since it becomes difficult, to impossible, to differentiate between the ground and the air.

As a result we were on our own; an uneasy feeling fell over all of us upon realization of that fact. We had snow machines, but in these conditions, we were in for a hellish 2.5-3 hour ride through a blizzard with extremely low visibility to get back to camp. The ride was dangerous in these conditions due to difficulty seeing obstacles, such as rocks or steep drop offs. But left with no other option we took off. Early in our journey, I noticed one of my coworkers was trailing quite far behind. Turns out he didn’t have proper mitts and his hands were beginning to get frighteningly cold. Luckily I had a spare pair, which helped, but he was clearly still very uncomfortable. My other coworker had brought to my attention that his feet were getting quite cold, and that we should get back to camp ASAP as he was worrying about frost bite. We continued, with a greater sense of urgency that could be felt between all of us. Speed still had to be balanced precariously with the risk of crashing; with such low visibility, if I crashed, my whole crew behind me would also likely crash. Had our snowmobiles broken down, or ran out of fuel (and we were low), frost bite or crashing would be the least of our worries.

There were plenty of reasons to be scared, but the sheer power of the storm was incredible to witness. While riding directly into 60-80 km/hr winds occasionally I felt awe. I was awed at the speed of the winds, and the bite of the cold. I felt so little in comparison; helpless, but not scared. I was humbled by it. I respected it. It wasn’t pleasurable, but it came with a sense of peace. It was the calm among the storm. However, it hardly lasted more than a few moments. The rest of the experience was a mix between focusing on the critical task at hand - getting back safely and efficiently - and worrying about the well-being of my coworkers and myself. For me, the stinging sensation on my nose and cheeks, and the lack of sensation in these same areas was of serious concern. Sometimes though, all worries faded and like my more peaceful experiences with awe, I would quite literally laugh out loud; as if I was just dumbfounded by the beauty of it all, or the insanity of it all, or the mystery of it all.

​​Not all awe experiences are so fleeting and frightening. There are some things that seem to have a mystical power at inducing long stretches of uninterrupted awe filled with joy. One of the best known natural phenomenon to do this is an aurora (Aurora Borealis in the Nothern Hemisphere or Aurora Australis in the Southern Hemisphere). On March 3rd, 2019 I had the most intense awe inspiring experience of my life. More commonly aurora’s are green in colour, but during particularly intense solar storms, red and purple can be present; this was one of those major storms. Thick, circular bands fading from green to red moved gracefully throughout the sky. The shapes were constantly morphing, all while colours continuously fluctuated. Circular bands would form, and then silently and violently explode across the sky. At times ripples on a band would dart across hundreds of kilometres of sky in mere seconds. The rapid changes kept your total attention in the present. The show lasted roughly 10-20 minutes (it felt more like an hour), during which, I was completely fixated on what was happening. Not even once did I take a moment to consider if I should photograph this. The beauty had me locked in the present. Every time I reflect on this experience I cannot help but feel a profound sense of gratitude towards this conscious experience we as living beings are fortunate enough to experience.

One reason I have been thinking so much about awe, is that for the better half of the last 3 years I have been seeking it relentlessly. Initially, though, I didn’t know it was awe I was seeking. I simply wanted to travel, and adventure. I went from a month long road trip in the Yukon, to then working in nature in remote places all over Northern Canada, to then travelling in SE Asia for 4 months, back to working in the north, and finally on to living in a van and exploring the West Coast. I wanted to see and do things I’ve never done before. To experience all I can before I settle down in a steady, 9 to 5 career, and “grow up”. Except, since then, I discovered I don’t want to “grow up”, at least not in the way society typically defines it.
 
Interestingly, my journey over the last few years, has been a lot like a journey back to my childhood - a process of “ungrowing up”. At some point between my childhood and adult life, I lost my craving for awe, as well as my related boundless curiosity and vast imagination. As a baby I was probably in a near constant state of awe; each experience was new and interesting. According to my mom, after I learned to speak, it didn’t take long for “why” to become my most beloved word (I can hardly imagine the pain I must’ve put my parents through before google existed). In my later childhood I had an insatiable desire to explore - what I sought, unknowingly, was awe. I can still vividly remember epic adventures off the coast of BC on my dad’s boat. Those trips were filled with awe - from days spent exploring remote beaches and nights spent star gazing, to brief encounters with bears, eagles, dolphins, and whales. As a child - my mind was wide open - few ideas were too crazy to be believed. Slowly though, my childhood playful curiousity, creativity, and sense for awe was chipped away at. Eventually I saw the world through labels. What came easy to you, became your identity; math, science, and sport became major parts of my identity. I still had curiousity, but now there were boundaries to it - things that have already been deemed unscientific do not warrant a curious eye. Art seemed like a far off world only a few gifted people are fortunate enough to experience; I am a logical math and science nerd, and I do not belong in “their” realm. Or I’m the jock with the “cool” kids and those artsy ones are weird. These labels, were preventing me from being me, and actually exploring the things that bring me true joy. Seeking awe again, has started to break down the walls that society and myself spent years building up.

 My first discovery from seeking awe was that I can be an artist! Not long after my first hike in the Rocky Mountains, I discovered a passion and, dare I say it, even a natural talent in landscape photography (at least that’s what my mom keeps telling me). I had no idea that was only the beginning of awe’s mission to opening my mind. While travelling in SE Asia I had an awe inspiring experience while on psychedelic mushrooms that opened my mind to the possibilities of mindfulness practice and eventually I began practicing meditation daily. I found myself reading way more! (Ok if I am being honest I mean listening - audiobooks consumed my life). I was beginning to taste raw boundless curiousity again. Most recently, I've even found abundant joy in drawing. A feedback loop started in my life surrounded around this beautiful experience of awe - the more I experienced it, the more I sought it out, the more it seemed to seek me out in the form of unexpected opportunities, and so on.

I began to find myself caring more about the world I live in. My lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut shifted from a selfish drive to explore, to an altruistic drive to inspire. I began to care more about living an environmentally sustainable lifestyle, I adopted a vegan(ish) diet to reduce my impact on the environment; I am still working on cutting out dairy completely. While travelling, seeking awe, I continuously met people who inspired me to be a better person. It used to be that simply discussing anything considered “spiritual” would make me uncomfortable, but now I am comfortable describing my awe seeking journey as a spiritual journey. I was discovering that awe was opening my mind, allowing me to see there is real value to be found from looking inward with an open mind and contemplating my place in this strange universe.
 
The journey has most definitely not been all bliss. A life seeking awe, is one filled with peaks and troughs. I suffered through excruciating pain after hiking for two days with two pulled hamstrings, only to be liberated from the pain once in the presence of an awe inspiring glacier view. I went through lows between adventures, where I was financially broke and filled with uncertainty of the direction my life was headed, only to soon afterwards be presented with a new idea or opportunity that excited me. I rode nearly 3 hours, in -50 °C, directly into 80 km/hr winds suffering frost nip, only to have a renewed respect and appreciation of nature. I spent 40 hours meditating in 4 days, one of the most challenging things I have done, and learned mindfulness practice would be an indispensable tool in my life. I fell in love (or more accurately became infatuated) with someone I had just met, and about as quickly as it all appeared, it all disappeared. While that experience initially broke my heart, it also liberated me. The event made no sense to me until I was able to experience humility to a level I never had before. It was a stark reminder of the importance of being looking inwards for the problem rather than outwards. Because of that it has served as a catalyst to my inner spiritual growth. I could go on and on, but the point is, I wouldn’t trade a single one of those lows for another experience. Usually the more intense the suffering the more profound the lesson that came from it, and the more extreme the next high was.
 
Perhaps my most profound discovery though, was discovering the connection between my mindfulness meditation practice and awe. I realized that the experience mindfulness practitioners are seeking (if they are said to be seeking anything that is) is the experience of awe! I discovered that raw consciousness - that is conscious experience without the baggage of your busy mind trying to make sense of everything -  is the same as awe. I’ve learned that with practice, I could cultivate the skill to bring about this state of mind anytime, anywhere. I have far from mastered this skill, but I've found myself more often than before seeing the beauty in the mundane. I could look at a mustard stain on a shirt and be awed, because I realize it need not be objects or events that awe me, but simply the fact I am experiencing anything at all awes me.
 
Buddhists refer to the state of mind I am talking about as Don’t Know Mind or Beginners Mind. As I mentioned earlier, awe is acceptance and appreciation of  the present moment without knowing anything about it. It is a state of mind with no expectations and no concepts. Essentially it is a beginners mind towards all experience. When you are in awe, your mind opens all the way up to allow for any possibility. Fear has no place in awe, since that would imply an aversion to something, but instead you are open to all. Instead of holding expectations of how you or others should act, you are able to simply Be and act more harmoniously within your environment. And with no sense of self present, you inherently act more compassionately.
 
As much as we may want to, embracing a state of awe in every moment of your life is nearly impossible, and possibly impractical when taken to the extreme. Surely, knowledge of basic concepts and action are important in our day to day lives. But we can all use more awe in our lives. It can help you enjoy the mundane aspects of life, or simply notice that there really isn't anything at all mundane about our experience. In challenging social situations it can give you that one extra moment of appreciation of Being to allow you to step back and respond with kindness, rather than react with unkindness. When faced with a decision between a healthy activity and a decidedly not healthy activity, a single moment of clarity, and respect towards yourself, can help you make the obviously better decision. Embracing awe, is embracing the present moment more, instead of listening to the never ending chatter of your mind. In essence, embracing awe helps you realize, that you in the last moment, doesn’t have to be you in this moment.
 
Of course as I wrote earlier about peaks and troughs of my journey, the path seeking awe is not an easy one. I hope though, that after reading this, you realize it is a worthwhile one. Perhaps hiking up that mountain for the guaranteed awe inspiring experience is worth it. And maybe eventually you’ll notice the challenging experiences to get there are worth appreciating just as much as the bliss felt on the summit. Our life is the journey across a mountain range, the summits are just one small part. Let's stop day dreaming about the sweet fruits of our labour, and let's start appreciating the labour in this moment just as much as the sweet fruits it eventually bears. Let's seek awe more often.

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​I'd love to hear any of your thoughts, questions, or criticisms on this topic. Feel free to comment below or email me @ [email protected]. Also if you enjoyed this, and would like more posts like this one, please join my mailing list; you will not be emailed more than once a week, and more than anything it will serve as a reminder when I upload a new post. One more thing, if you feel this post has inspired you, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it with one other person you think would enjoy it. Thanks for reading!

Eventually the anxiety became overwhelming. I told my friends I needed to go on a solo adventure, to experience the trip on my own. I hoped that being solo would allow me to escape my nearly crippling social anxiety. Moments after leaving my friends, and the shelter of the restaurant, a torrential down pour began. At first I became excited; images flashed through my head of myself dancing in circles, alone in the forest, tongue out, tasting the rain, relishing every drop of water stream down my body, and feeling at one with the universe. Unfortunately none of this happened, and within a minute I was soaked to the bone, and freezing cold. I quickly found shelter in a palapa (hut-like structure with no walls), which was a lobby to a hostel/climbing shop that I frequented.

​I kept to myself, sitting on a step looking out at the deluge on the pathway. Thoughts came to mind about what the people around thought of me and my anxiety came flooding back. My mind was running a million miles an hour, swept away by the nonstop flow of anxiety and fear. I sat there in misery for what felt like at least a half hour before a novel idea came to mind. While staring out at the flowing water on the path, I decided I should just imagine all my negative thoughts leave my brain and wash away in the stream. Mere moments after intensely visualizing this process, my negative thoughts dissolved; in fact all thoughts dissolved. Soon after, the emptiness was replaced with amazement at what just occurred. I sat up feeling ecstatic, not even feeling “high” anymore. No anxiety, no trippy visuals, no boundless joy, just peace. I returned to the company of my friends and explained to them the profound experience I just had. I exclaimed “My thoughts just washed down the drain guys!!!” While they were certainly entertained and maybe a bit intrigued, they clearly didn’t see the profundity in it like I had.

Have you had a similar experience while on a psychedelic drug? Are you now curious about meditation and the power of mindfulness practice to manage your anxiety? I would love to hear any of your thoughts and/or questions in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this article, please subscribe to my mailing list so you can be notified when I post something new!